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Anyone who has enjoyed a forest walk probably noticed the simultaneous “peace and quiet” and subtle busy-ness of Mother Nature. Students in Estonia certainly did.
Source: Estonia Wooden Megaphones 6
Here I am again, home in Sweden. Lots of thoughts and photos to sort out after intense stay at summer cottage.
– I wasn’t prepared how much energy photographing can actually take, if you plan to do it pretty much every day during two weeks time. My absolute maximum was 2x 1,5h per day.
– Neither wasn’t I prepared, that my parents will stay at the summer cottage almost all the time – and how much energy that took, although it was great reflection to the childhood days, when we used to be there together. I am not made for being 100% social all the time, being an introvert and all
– A new unexpected layer to the project came in the form of new house building start next to the old farm house.
– Absolutely super positive surprise was the weather! No rain, amazing morning mists and frosty grounds. Few nights there was -9 degrees, hrrrrrrrr! I was starting to see so much to photograph in the nature, that it I just had to do it. From project’s point of view it gave me good chance to see the place in many beautiful autumn look variations – and was a beautiful experience too. The very first night I arrived, Mother Nature really gave her best shot: Northern lights in southwestern corner of Finland! I was in panic almost, since I was not prepared technically photograph them, but got some nice shots anyway. What I way to be welcomed to summer cottage
– I couldn’t use my Canon EF-S 17-85mm f/4-5.6 IS USM after I realised there is dust inside the lens. I had to take it to repair and I didn’t get it back before I traveled back to Sweden. I was forced to use mainly my 30mm, but what a beautiful lens it is, now that I have used it properly.
Thursday (earlier today) I was supposed to do my Letter of Intent for the second part of the course for the Spring, but I was too late! I got the text ready in time, but I couldn’t upload the photos to database before midnight, when the server closed… I am hoping for possibility for “Sen anmälan” (late application). Right now I am feeling… not so great about this. I can’t only blame the migraine, that kicked in late Wednesday evening and kept me in bed most of today, but I really couldn’t have made the application document much earlier due to my travel and ongoing photoshooting process and unfinished and unformulated thoughts. http://utbildning.gu.se/kurser/kurs_information?courseId=FOG210
Tomorrow is new day then. I really need to get variety of different photos for you to see, since I really need some input which way I should go. It’s pretty hard to keep the focus on something specific, when the work you are doing is constantly feeding more and more ideas.
After last week’s great group online meeting, I was sure I am going to have humouristic approach to my photographing – something new for me. I had my mind in many positive childhood memories and living them again and photographing them – playing like a child.
During my past seven days I have visited my specialist doctor three times and even come to conclusion how much better I am doing in a long run now. And even compared to start of this year. But I guess these deep discussions have activated fears and memories of darker times. Maybe it is mostly confusion, that I am feeling better, but I am not like “other people” being able to do what I was able to do over ten years back. I will never be that person and achiever again.
I went to forest today and had some my old toys with me to shoot them. I also had some “deeper” ideas including a nine year old mask made of my face (on a art therapy workshop 2006). Then I ran into pile of rusty iron wire on a big rock. It called me to photograph it and the session ended up like this. I felt freaky, but then again, this is exactly how I felt today about everything in my life, including the project.
I got comments from my fellow study group member, that I should perhaps try to find something positive about the demolished landscape. It felt first totally absurd idea, but since it came up more than once, I started to think, that it is time to take a step forward by remembering the good memories tied to time and place. But I knew, it requires working with the negative feelings for sure.
From my project diary – 5th of October 2015:
“Today I went exploring the area with objective mind, but it soon turned into very subjective feeling about loss and I felt really bad.
First I tried to took photos just to document the areas I find, that have visual potential for future photos. Then I felt anger and sadness – and forced myself to took photos just for the sake of taking photos. At the end I just made few self-portraits as shadow over the landscape, because that is how I felt I need to do.
When I was driving to Finland (Gothenburg-Stockholm 1 October 2015) and spending weekend with my family, I got lots of fun ideas I could work with. Now I feel I have that terrible gut sad feeling that I need to win before to get into something even a bit humouristic (I love dark humour). Maybe there could be some relation to Finnish photographer Iiu Susiraja‘s self-portraits that I absolutely just admire.
I try to get up early tomorrow (Tuesday 6 October) and explore the forest in early morning light. It is going to be close to zero degrees during night all week and it might give some special opportunities for photographic language.
Monday’s photos are in Flickr:
Some new ideas I have thought of during past days:
– Using my toys from childhood as part of self-portraits or setups from childhood play memories (dolls etc). Most of them are stored here at the summer cottage somewhere.
– Making self-portraits of myself being my grandma/grandpa in their old farmhouse kitchen. The strongest visual memories I have them – by the table sipping coffee or my grandpa eating with just knife..”
(I haven’t told my parents yet about the modelling idea..)
Book about changes in cultural landscape in Finland.